content

Tomorrow I drive to Iowa City for a four-day, three-night weekend at FG's! Not much to report on that, really. Nothing out of the ordinary. We're going to some jazz festival or something; apparently it's a pretty big thing there. Other than that, we really have no plans.

So today I had an interesting experience. I went to the bathroom at work to check my teeth after lunch, and I was the only one in there. I stood back a little bit and looked in the mirror, and...I looked skinny. My thighs looked thin but muscular, and I was thin but I still had a little bit of a pooch. So I lifted up my shirt and pinched it. My stomach was toned, and the pooch didn't pinch. It was weird. Like, usually I have the opposite experience, where I'm shocked at how fat I look. This time I'm still left wondering if the mirror I'm looking in was distorted, but in the other extreme. Just kind of interesting. I wonder if that was a one-time thing (like if the mirror actually is distorted) or if that's how I'll see myself from now on. I certainly don't see that when I look down. Although I have read somewhere that no matter who it is, you always look bigger when you look down at yourself, just because of the angle and whatnot. Anyway, who knows. Only time will tell, I suppose.

xoxo
Tori

loved

Today is our one-month anniversary! I hand-made him a card that said, "You and me, we go together...like carrots and hummus...like Trajan and movie titles...like NPR and naptime./Happy one-month anniversary! Love Tori. May there be many more..." I'm glad he got it today. :-)
At work this morning I was working like usual, and the secretary comes in and says, "Tori, you have a visitor," and this guy walks in with a huge bouquet of a dozen roses with asters! I was so overwhelmed! I enjoyed all the comments though, not gonna lie, hehe. They started out, "Well, somebody loves you!" then they started asking, "What's the occasion? Who're they from?" and when I said my boyfriend for our anniversary, they asked how long. When I said it was one month, they said, "Oh wow. You must have him, uh...he must've fallen pretty hard for you then!" And I just kind of smiled and said, "Yeah, I like to think so..." :-)

xoxo
Tori

satisfied

Weekend went very well, despite me having my period through it. Friday we went to a gig one of his friends was in; it was at a coffee shop downtown. Yesterday we went to Illinois for the wedding, then back to his hometown and stayed overnight in his house. Today we went to his old church, then went to an art fair the city was having. Then we went back to Iowa City and had supper and I drove back here. It went by so quickly. It was really fun though! :-)

xoxo
Tori

bummed

Ugh. So my last period was about two years and eleven months ago. I woke up at about 5 this morning and I just knew...something was different. And yes. Yes, I got my period. Fuck. So far the only person I've told has been FG, which is weird, because before I'd never talked to a guy about my period -- or lack thereof. We're going to a wedding this weekend and a concert and an art fair and a water park. Anyway, he said that it was good because it means I'm healthy. Personally, I'm mourning the loss of my freedom and counting down the months until I hit menopause. Ugh. I feel fat and gross.

xoxo
Tori

admired

Went to noon Mass today. Was very somber. I think it was mostly old folks and people who've recently lost someone. Maybe that's just my ignorant observation. It was short though -- about 35 minutes, give or take. Still feel better after going. FG says we can go together this week (even though he is agnostic, he was raised Catholic) because we'll be in his hometown and he wants to show me his old church. :-)

xoxo
Tori

busy

Man, it's been forever since I've last written. Well, this weekend I went to visit him, and he drove me to meet his family. It was fun. His dad said he really liked me. They were nice. My mom was a little freaked out because his dad Facebook-friended her, but I told her that he's a cool guy, so it's nothing creepy.
We ate out a lot. He's a vegetarian too, so it was cool to go somewhere where the person I'm eating with is suggesting things on the menu that I would actually consider. He made me gnocchi and pesto last night. And yesterday I tried Hamburg Inn's pie shake. It's literally a milkshake with a slice of pie mixed in. I don't even like pie, but it was pretty good. (The ice cream saved it, haha.)

Now that I'm actually sitting down to write, I can't think of anything. Well, there's always tomorrow. And the next day. And the next... *shrug*

xoxo
Tori

content

FG's car broke down on Friday (while he was here in Ames) so he had to wait until Monday to fix it. That could've made me freak out, but he's a very good guest and I'm getting better about adapting to things that come up spontaneously.
Oh, oh, oh! But here's the news! On Saturday we had a wine-and-cheese "party," and I had one and a half glasses of wine. Which I drank very quickly. And might I mention these glasses were about twice the normal size of regular wine glasses. And my tolerance is pretty low. So I got a lot bit tipsy. And I was all horny and jumping on him and stuff, but he just said, "We're not gonna go any farther than we've gone while sober," which I really appreciated. :-) What a sweetie, right? So while we were kinda-sorta making out, I was like, "Whatcha thinkin'?" all playful and stuff, right. And he just looked over at me and said, "I love you." I think my reaction was, "What? Seriously?" because it hadn't even been two weeks at the time, but I had been thinking about it last week, because I can honestly say that I felt that he would say it this past weekend. And he did. And I was just like, "You know what? I love you too." Last night he said that was the best compliment he's ever gotten (even though he's been in love before) because he wasn't expecting it. Of all compliments ever in his life, that was the one he appreciated the most! I felt special. :-)

Well, then FG and I had our first little "tiff" today. It was really more of a misunderstanding, because we talk on IM while we're both at work, and there's no intonation over IM. So he said something about getting drunk again so we'd both be horny (or something like that), but he totally meant it as a joke, but I didn't take it that way. So he told me to call him over lunch, which I did, and we talked about it in a very "mature" manner (his words). I wasn't mad, and just barely upset, but it helped to be able to talk things over like adults instead of turning it into something way bigger than necessary. We even joked around a little before we got it sorted out, just so we knew we weren't mad at each other. It kind of sucked having to worry about it before we talked it out, but I'm kind of glad we got it all worked out so now it's officially a nonissue. It's good, it's good.

I might be illustrating two children's books! I got word about both of them within the past few days. Whether or not they like my samples is what determines if I'll end up doing it. Cross your fingers!

xoxo
Tori

cute

OMG, they announced the new season for the Civics Center today at 5! The good ones are Wicked, Rent, The Lion King, and South Pacific. First priority is Lion King because I've never seen it, but it's the one musical I have always wanted to see. Anyway, Chris says that we'll go see all of them together, which means we have some serious long-term-ness in the plans. :-)

Scandinavian Days is this Saturday. Still waiting on my mom to let me know when Chris and I are meeting up with them (them being my mom, dad, brother, grandma, grandpa, and maybe great-aunt and great-uncle). He'll meet the fam!

xoxo
Tori

giddy

This weekend was hard -- having someone over at my place was difficult, but it was so worth it. Yesterday we had a picnic in the park (it's awesome to date a guy who's also a veggie -- we had hummus/carrots, cream-cheese spread/apples, grapes, an orange, and a banana) and went walking, then went out to eat and went to see Up. Then today we went for a run early this morning, then ate lunch, then went to sit by the lake for an hour, then cuddled and talked for six hours. No booty-ing even! It was so fun. Amazing. Amazing weekend.

xoxo
Tori

sleepy

Only one more day to wake up early before I can sleep in! I'm sleepy. Man...

Today's crockpot creation: sweet potatoes with garlic and rosemary and a little salt and butter. I couldn't find a good savory recipe for sweet potatoes so I just kind of threw my own little thing together. I actually kind of get creeped out by the texture of sweet potatoes, so we'll see how this goes...

I Skype-d with FG the past couple days, and we have another Skype date tonight (for the un-tech-y crowd, Skype is a free video-chat service). We're gonna think of questions to ask each other, because he says he loves getting to know me. I think that's interesting because I've tried playing that game with both TB and C, and both of them said, "Ehh...I don't know what I want to know about you." I even got FG hooked on Twitter! C called me narcissistic for using Twitter. It's just so crazy to see how crappy these other guys were when I compare them to FG. And we've only been dating three days, haha. But yeah. So far so good. He invited me to one of his best friend's wedding (I always want to spell that as "weeding," haha), but I don't know yet if I'm going to go, because it's about four-and-a-half hours from Ames (I'd drive two hours to Iowa City, and then he'd drive us both to Illinois). That's a long-ass drive. And I would have to dress up.
Though we are going to hang out next weekend. I'm going there, I've decided. Hopefully that will be enough from my normal routine that I will be completely out of my element, and therefore not freaked out that I'm with someone else, you know? I think that was the thing with last weekend. I just got freaked out that things weren't going exactly how they usually do when I am alone. I'll have to work on that. But that's then. Next weekend. We're going to go on a picnic, maybe go hiking/rowing, see Up in 3D (I've never seen a 3D movie!), and he wants to do a photo shoot with me (for practice). Fun.

xoxo
Tori

intrigued

I retook a personality test. I think the last time I took it was within the last year or so. Here are my results (old, new):
Extraversion: 58, 66
Stability: 34, 50
Orderliness: 90, 86
Accommodation: 34, 38
Intellectual: 54, 62
Interdependence: 56, 37
Mystical: 30, 50
Materialism: 76, 70
Narcissism: 76, 77
Adventurousness: 10, 30
Work ethic: 76, 90
Conflict seeking: 43, 30
Need to dominate: 70, 70
Romantic: 63, 17
Avoidant: 83, 77
Anti-authority: 76, 50
Wealth: 50, 63
Dependency: 56, 50
Change averse: 76, 50
Cautiousness: 90, 77
Individualism: 50, 50
Sexuality: 10, 17
Peter-Pan complex: 36, 23
Histrionic: 36, 70
Vanity: 56, 57
Artistic: 90, 90
Hedonism: 16, 43
Physically active: 63, 77
Religious: 90, 83
Humanitarian: 30, 50
Fiscal acumen: 90, 90
Self-image: 76, 70
Honor: 90, 50
Accountability: 70, 43
Paranoia: 70, 63
Extravagance: 23, 23
Family drive: 43, 17
Indie: 10, 50

xoxo
Tori

semi-guilty

So Facebook Guy (FG) was here until about 10 minutes ago. He came over and we watched Seven Pounds (deec, but not amazing) and then made out (and there was some toplessness involved, hehehe). He asked if I would be his girlfriend. I said yes, even though at this point I still haven't completely made up my mind. I don't know if it's because we were here, at my place, or if it was 7:00 (when he said he would be gone by 4-5), but I kicked him out -- I did the whole "I have so much work to do" thing. I was thinking he'd be gone and I'd finally have some time to myself, but then he asked what we were gonna do next, and I was like, Uhhh...well...I want some time to myself! I kind of feel guilty (because he's now my boyfriend, and at the very least I should be honest with him and say I need my "me" time -- I'm sure he'd understand). He was nice about leaving though. I sent him off with a danish and a granola bar -- no supper. Maybe that was the worst part of it all. :-( He didn't ask if he could stay for supper, and he said it was totally fine, but I'm just not good with people staying over. I think I'd have been fine if we were in a neutral place, like a cafe or mall or something, but my place...is mine.

xoxo
Tori

hurt

I'm kind of upset because my roommate brought back angelfood cake, and even though I don't like angelfood cake and I'd just gotten back from supper, she asked my other roommate if she wanted some and she didn't ask me. And I walked into the room, too, to say hi. Oh well, I suppose.

Today was my date with Facebook Guy. It went well. We met for lunch, which was fine, and then we went back to my place to watch Milk. Apparently I get territorial -- more so than I thought. Because the whole time he was there, I was like, I know he's Mr. PERFECT, but there's something about him that just bugs me, and I can't put my finger on it..., but I suggested we go for a walk, and after we left my apartment I was fine. So that was really weird. We walked around campus and he took pictures for his photography project (I was even the subject of some of them! He said I was very beautiful...several times), and we even snuck on the top of the Design building! He said he will only show me the best ones, so he didn't let me see them. But then we went to supper. I said he would really like this place my friends and I always go to, because they have unusual, exotic-y foods, and he's a vegetarian too. I couldn't decide what to get, so we split two meals. He liked it a lot. Then we split a dulce de leche cheesecake, but he had huge bites and I had tiny bites, so I didn't eat too much. Oh, and he cried a little bit watching Milk, and I didn't choke up one bit. He's wayyyyy (emphasis on the "way") more sensitive than I am. He wanted to cuddle and stuff, and I was like, "Can't do it man, sorry." So I think he was a little hurt but that was while we were here, at my place, so it was hard for me to be touchy-feely like that. When we were getting ready for the walk, he kissed me, and we started making out and ended up going to second base, but I was still feeling weird so I stopped him and was like, "Let's take our walk!" Haha, talk about killing the mood! But I don't really know what I think right now. I'm thinking very rationally about it all, which I've tended to do more and more with each new guy. So we'll see. Oh, and he gave me -- as a present -- two of his favorite prints from a photo shoot he did on the wings of the stage of a dance. The originals -- one of the three copies he printed. I felt special, needless to say! He's a good guy. But we all know I have shitty taste in guys, but hopefully this one sticks around.

xoxo
Tori

giddy

He called me! We talked for 40 minutes until I told him I had to go because I had some stuff to do before bed. Very interesting guy. No awkward pauses. 'Twas good.

xoxo
Tori

pleased

Well, Facebook Guy Friend is coming on Sunday morning and leaving sometime Monday. We're gonna hang out quite a bit, but I don't really know when. I'm gonna walk around on campus with him, I think, and we're gonna go out to eat. He said today that he likes me, and earlier this afternoon he said I was adorable. Hehe. :-) And...he said he wants to talk to me on the phone instead of just IM, which is promising because C never really cared.

xoxo
Tori

comfortable

So this Facebook (I seriously almost just spelled it "Facebuk"...ugh) Guy said he's coming to Ames so he can take pictures of the ISU campus, and asked if we wanted to go to this restaurant I talked about that my friends and I like. So of course I said yes! Hehe...

xoxo
Tori

content

Besides, why do I always think of a new guy as a potential relationship? We have lots in common, sure. But that doesn't mean he thinks that. Boys are oblivious. Besides, I've known him for, what, 18 hours? Pfft...okay, I'm done.

xoxo
Tori

guilty

A couple of my design friends were getting together tonight for a movie night and both asked me a few times each, but I declined. I don't really have anything going on, and I would've gone, but since I was already changed into my pajamas and I hadn't eaten supper, I just wanted to chill out, so that kind of made me feel guilty.

I kind of met a guy. Well, we don't really think we've met. But I was going through my contacts on Facebook, deleting the people I don't know or don't talk to anymore, and he was on there. So I looked, and we had a few friends in common, so I would've felt bad if I saw him sometime and was like, Ohh, so that's how I know you... So I messaged him saying, "Hey, this is a weird question, but how do I know you?" So anyway, he used to go to ISU. Now he goes to Iowa (boo Iowa! hehe). He's majoring in photography and journalism (but when he was at ISU he majored in graphic design, then changed his mind and opted for the photography program at Iowa). He's 23, graduating next year (he got off track the first two years from going through the graphic design program). He's a vegetarian. He loves musicals. That's all I really know. I just met him yesterday, haha. And for all I know he's not looking for a girlfriend. I know he doesn't have one right now, but who knows -- Iowa City is a long drive from Ames. So we've talked a couple times today, but I will try to not keep my hopes up in case nothing happens.

xoxo
Tori

content

Just another day. Oh, so I am designing the logo for this major department in the Leopold Center, as well as the six smaller subsections within it. Well, each of the six smaller departments have leaders outside of the office in which I work, and my supervisor's been emailing my logos at each stage of the game. After I made changes people had recommended to one of my pig logos, I sent a PDF with three possible pigs that also had the same general "look" to them as the other logos. This guy emailed me (and CC'ed everyone else in the office) after I got off work saying, "I don't like any of them. Too cutesy." He attached four other options -- three were cartoons that looked just like my logos, and one that looked like it came out of an anatomy textbook. Then he sent an email about a half-hour later saying, "If you couldn't tell, the first three were a joke." So not only was he saying my logos sucked, he was making fun of me! Usually I would be all about saying something sarcastic to throw him off, but all I want is for them to use my logo, because it fits so much better with the others than his nondesign-y "suggestion." I'm going to email my supervisor to explain things to her. (She got the email, because he'd hit "reply all," but I just want to explain that all the logos work together as a cohesive whole.) She's started to warm up to me, and she has been really impressed and thrilled lately that I'm getting things done so quickly. So my response? "I'm not really sure how to react to this comment. I'm not sure if he realizes that the logos also will need to work together and all have the same "circular" look to them. Obviously we can't get everyone to be completely thrilled with every design, so I think it would be beneficial to come up with a plan in which we would decide when it's time to move on versus going around in circles by re-working everything. Suggestions on how to proceed would be much appreciated. See you Monday."

xoxo
Tori

exhausted

Whew, it's been a long day. Thirteen hours running here, doing this, that, whatever. I'm finally, completely unpacked. Some things are kind of half-assed, like I didn't unpack absolutely everything, but I probably won't. I don't feel like finding the perfect little nook for something and then just have to go gather everything up again in six weeks. But at least I'm here. I'm done.

xoxo
Tori

antsy

Tomorrow's the day! But lemme tell you, they're forecasting showers, and I'm gonna be so pissed if it rains while I'm moving. I hate moving and I hate rain, so that would probably be the worst day in the world.

xoxo
Tori

content

So I am almost finished packing. I have a few things yet here (pencils, Kleenex, baby wipes, clothes for the next two days, jackets, TV, dirty dishes...), but basically everything's gone. The only "decoration" I have left is my bulletin board. Which needs to be cleaned. Hm. Maybe I'll do that tonight... Anyway, every day I've been packing everything I could possibly pack. I probably could've taken my printer down too, but guess what -- I don't feel like making another trip.

I had my first "real" day of work today. Five hours. I was supposed to go 10-3 but I apparently got up an hour early (I think it was the girl's dog next door -- and no, we're not supposed to have animals). I had checked the combination on the gym downstairs to make sure I could still get in, and I could, so I figured I was good to go for today, but when I sat down at the bike I saw that they'd turned off the electricity to the gym. They obviously weren't kidding when they said May 8th. So I went to the UDCC gym, and my access card didn't work. So I was like, Shit...I can either run outside, run in State Gym, or wait until after work and run at the Rec. So I sucked it up and ran outside. Still hate running outside. And I'm totally dreading it for tomorrow, but it's only twice. And then I'll be fine. I'm just crossing my fingers that my access card for the Hawthorne gym will work the next day. Because if it doesn't...I dunno what I'll do. Probably just go to work early and go to the Rec after work. The Rec is pretty close to both my work and my apartment. *shrug* No use worrying about it right now.
I don't know how I feel about my boss. She's nice, but she hasn't warmed up to me yet, I don't think. Sometimes I wonder what she's thinking, because I know she jokes with the older people, but maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable enough with the students to joke. Got all my work done for today though. I thought since she said I'd be working half time, and since I came in at 9, and I wasn't going to take a lunch break (I could eat when I got off work -- I prefer to eat a late lunch anyway) I would get off at 1. But right at 1, as I was almost getting up to talk to her before I left, she came to me with another task. So by that point my stomach would not. stop. growling. So when I got back from downstairs about 15 minutes later I ate my granola "meal-replacement" bar. That was my usual lunch during the school year. I've decided that I'm going to start eating more fruits and veggies again, so I'm trying to eat up all my granola bars, and I won't buy any more, and I won't eat any more unless it's for a bedtime snack or a breakfast on the go. But yeah. First day was deec -- nothing more, nothing less.

xoxo
Tori

curious

I'm watching this thing on TLC about the science of attractiveness, so I researched and found this site, and my frontal view is in the 89th percentile, and my profile is 81st percentile. That kind of surprises me, because lately I've kind of wondered how pretty I am. I know my profile isn't ideal, because I kind of have an overbite, but it says that especially the lower part of my face is ideal proportions (I have fairly full lips and a very narrow chin, and my nose is very, very narrow). Hm. Very interesting.

xoxo
Tori

lonely

I'm bored to tears...and I've only been back here for three hours, most of which I've spent packing. The only glimmer of civilization I've encountered thus far has been the whistling from down the hall about an hour ago. I started doing some logic puzzles -- I figured I did those all summer between freshman/sophomore year, but I don't know how I did it. I did about two and got bored. I did Marilyn's puzzle in Parade, the Criptoquip in the Lifestyle section of our hometown newspaper, and the Sunday crossword (all except for an awkward strip diagonally down the middle). I think I'll have to break out the big guns: my Precious Moments coloring pages. Carlito's Way is on in the background, so I might just knit and watch that. It's kind of not interesting right now though, so...maybe something better is on later?
I didn't break any food back from home, except lactose-free milk. I have some Kashi left over from last summer (yay stale cereal!) so that will be breakfast. Cottage cheese and spaghetti sauce for supper tonight, and when that runs out I'll start eating soup for supper. Only three more days till I move!

xoxo
Tori

nervous

Okay, aside from my huge comprehensive slide-recognition art-history final on Friday, I'm a bit nervous. A week or so ago I noticed a black spot on my palm that suddenly just kind of appeared. I figured it was probably ink or something (it's really, really dark red) and it would go away. But it didn't. And it hasn't. And ironically enough, I was looking through the most recent issue of Glamour on the elliptical and it had a little picture of moles/freckles/etc. and the last one looked kind of like mine, so I read the caption: "Acral Lentiginous Melanoma: Usually it appears as a brown or black mark under nails, or on the palms or soles of the feet." And now I'm freaked. out. I have a doctor's appointment Thursday to get it checked out, and I don't even care what the hell it is, I'm telling him to lop the thing off and biopsy it. And there's a mole under my arm too that I was going to get cut out a few years ago because I shave over it so often, but I chickened out. Yeah I think I'm gonna get that one out too. You know my pregnancy fear? This one is just like that, only there actually is a possibility that it's real. You never know.
And so now I'm just going through in my mind, like, OMG, what if everything else is cancer too? What if the skin was just the last to show it? What if my stomach problems and period problems and everything are cancer? ...WELL?!

In other news, I started my job today. The ag one. I have to make the shell of the website as well as a temporary website (while the other one is going up) for a conference in July. It was a little stressful just because it was my first day and I feel like even though I know I can get that done, it was the first day and all, so I was just a little uneasy because I didn't want to screw up.

I'm moving next Wednesday (for those non-math-majors out there, that's 8 days). I won't know any of my roommates, but I've Facebook-stalked two of the three and they seem nice (although one is engaged and one has a long-term boyfriend...so hopefully the walls in my building will be thicker than last year). We'll see. I hate packing. I hate moving. Bleh. Far enough away though. But all the freshies are starting to pack up, so I feel like I should be too, even though I'm not moving until four days after the last of them are gone. What will I do? What the hell will I eat?

Oh, and I just updated my website, bitches. Took all afternoon. But I figure if I didn't do it now, I'd just procrastinate doing it, and it wasn't enjoyable, but at least it's done.

xoxo
Tori