fat/anxious

Eesh. We leave tomorrow after work and I won't get back till late Saturday, so you won't be hearin' from me in a few days. I'm starting to get nervous now that I'm packing and stuff, mostly just about the food (I'm riding the van tomorrow so I get to exercise -- yay!). Like, I'm not bringing the bread or cocoa or yogurt for night, so it's like oh-em-gee... I am, out of habit I guess, packing food like I'm not gonna have any other meals. I just have to remind myself that okay, other people do get hungry too, so if I'm hungry, I'll find somewhere and something to eat. And it's not a bad thing if I get hungry. It's bad if I restrict or if I pull away from everyone so I can eat. Oy. It's gonna be so hard. Like I said, this will be the first night I'm away from...everything comfortable...in about two years. The ana's kickin' my ass right now, y'all.

Oh, and yeah, I'm gaining weight like freaking crazy. Which makes this weekend a zillion times as hard. Ughhh...words can't even express how fat I feel right now... More so than when I was way underweight and stuff, cause then I still knew at least a little bit that I was way too skinny, but now I'm a normal weight (though I'm still slim) so I don't have that leverage...ughhh...ickyyy...

xoxo
Tori